forget the picture-perfect photoshoots; this was my real new mum moment
MOTHERHOOD
WRITTEN BY DANIELLE WILLSHER
JUNE 3, 2025
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I was expecting my friends any minute, and spent all morning running around getting ready. Even managing to get showered, which was proving harder to juggle these days, in a whirl wind of nipple and nappy rash creams, along with breast pumps and gripe water, it was all taking some getting used to. The front room was spotless and my daughter was sleeping soundly in her moses basket, dressed in one of her new outfits. ‘I’ve got this’ I thought, determined to present the image of perfection and that everything was organised and orderly.
My friend had been a rock throughout my pregnancy, understandably wanting to catch a glimpse of my newborn daughter. But I was now facing the daunting reality of being a single mum. I so desperately wanted them to believe that everything was fine. Those OK magazine photoshoots made me think that I should be presenting her in a spotless room, looking trim and holding my baby up like Simba from the Lion King. But those magazines give an airbrushed reality.
I heard the car door slam, the crunching of the gravel, before the doorbell rang. Flying down the stairs, slightly out of breath, only to be greeted by two awkward looking faces at the door. Somewhat puzzled, I stared at them blankly. Was it because I was living with my mum now? But following their gaze, prompting me to look down, it took several attempts before my baby brain finally caught on. Glancing down towards my top, flushing with acute embarrassment. Two saucer-sized, wet patches were staining my pale pink tee-shirt. I’d forgotten to put my breast pads in… My boobs were conspiring against me, bringing me back down to earth with a humbling bump. My friends were not quite sure where to look, smirking uneasily.
I was still getting used to handling my new, not so glamourous equipment, opening flap nursing bra’s, gigantic pants and maternity pads. All the while, my empathy for dairy cows was growing by the day, fast becoming an ‘on demand’ milk machine with a gruelling routine and no let-up day and night. I considered myself strong, but it was tough doing this single handed. With very little sleep, responding to the beck-and-call of my daughter who slept, breastfed and pooped an awful lot, even by my own novice estimations.
She was actually suffering from a number of yet to be undiagnosed conditions at that stage and prolonged jaundice, after being born almost five weeks premature. Everyone just kept commenting on what a good baby she was, so I didn’t question it. Despite having treatment in special care in UV incubators, no one told me before we were discharged how it might impact her and make her sleepier. I was often left thinking that there must be something wrong with me.
Looking back, I wished I’d had the courage to say to my friends that I was not really OK. My internal anxiety was at an all-time high. Everything was far from perfect, petrified about the prospect of being a single mother and the difficulties I was facing with my ex-partner. I didn’t know how I would manage financially or where I would live. This wasn’t at all what I’d imagined for myself or my daughter. But I was too afraid to speak my truth back then. The best I could manage was just to keep taking one day at a time, keep on laughing in moments of joy and learning on the go.
If you’re in this stage of life and feel like you don’t quite fit the mould, I hope this makes you feel a little less alone. The truth is, there is no mould. Be gentle and patient with yourself. Learning to laugh and smile through all the perfect, but also those that seem like ‘imperfect moments’ too. Embracing the misdemeanours, as they are all beautifully sacred too.
about the author
CONTRIBUTING WRITER
Danielle is an autistic author, lucky enough to live in the beautiful backdrop of the Cumbrian countryside with her husband and cat. She writes poetry about nature, the beauty of the world we live in and the difficulties of life challenges. She is also writing here memoirs highlighting the challenges of being on the autistic spectrum, whilst trying to live, work and interact, with the various misinterpretations and problems which it can present. She also write about the various health challenges faced with conditions such as fibromyalgia, endometriosis and IBS and finding a holistic path to experience better health and wellness.
danielle
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