newborn sleep is wild (& so are the expectations we put on ourselves)
MOTHERHOOD
WRITTEN BY SARAH ENGELBRECHT
MAY 6, 2025
When my baby was born, I was prepared for the tiredness. Everyone warns you about the sleepless nights, the broken rest, and the “sleep when the baby sleeps” advice.
But no one tells you what newborn sleep really looks like, or how it can leave you questioning everything, even when you’re doing everything right.
I work with tired mums now, but back then? I was the tired mum. I remember sitting in the dark at 2 AM, Googling things like:
“Is it normal for my baby to only sleep on me?”
“How do I get a newborn to nap for longer than 20 minutes?”
The truth is: newborn sleep is chaotic. It’s messy, unpredictable, and totally unlike what we’re used to as adults. And yet, we expect ourselves to master it straight away.
In this article:
01 The First Few Weeks: Pure Survival Mode
02 What’s Normal Isn’t Always Easy
03 The Fog Doesn’t Always Lift Overnight
05 6 Things That Make A Big Difference
related articles
The first few weeks: Pure survival mode
In those early weeks, everything revolves around recovery, feeding, cuddling, and adjusting. Babies sleep a lot overall (anywhere from 14–18 hours in 24 hours), but only in short bursts; scattered randomly across the day and night.
Your baby doesn’t know the difference between day and night yet. Their circadian rhythm hasn’t developed. They’re wired to stay close to you, your warmth, your smell, your heartbeat. That’s their safe place.
They often wake to feed because their tummies are tiny and their nervous systems are still developing.
All of this is completely normal.
But when you’re in it? It feels anything but normal. It feels relentless. It feels like you’re doing something wrong.
What’s normal isn’t always easy
You might start the day feeling hopeful, only for naps to go off track. You finally get the baby down, only for them to wake 12 minutes later. And in the evenings? The witching hour hits hard.
It’s not just the sleep loss; it’s the mental load, the hormonal roller coaster, the constant second-guessing.
And just when you think you’ve cracked it…
The fog doesn’t always lift overnight
If you’re lucky, you get a few decent stretches of sleep. But more often, it’s a cycle of false hope: two good nights followed by three rough ones.
The naps are still unpredictable. The evenings are still hard. And you start to wonder if your baby is broken, or if you are.
When the doubts creep in
“Shouldn’t they be in a routine by now?”
“Why are they still waking every two hours?”
“Is it too late to change things?”
“Is it my fault?”
I hear these questions all the time. The creeping feeling of failure. The pressure to get it right. But guess what? It’s not failure. It’s development. There is no one “right” way. No perfect routine. No magic formula.
6 things that make a big difference
These aren’t fixes, they’re foundations, gentle things you can do when everything feels out of
control.
1. Lower the bar (No really, lower it.)
If the day ends and you’ve fed your baby and kept them safe, that’s enough. The laundry can wait. The replies can wait. You are allowed to rest, cry, scroll, nap, eat toast, and do nothing else.
2. Protect one stretch of sleep (yours)
Your baby’s sleep might be all over the place, but yours doesn’t have to be. Even one uninterrupted 3 - 4 hour stretch, while someone else holds the baby, can help regulate your mood, reduce anxiety, and support your recovery.
Sleep isn’t a luxury. It’s survival.
3. Choose connection over comparison
It’s so easy to believe everyone else has it together, especially online. But comparison is the thief of joy and piles on unnecessary pressure. Reach out to someone who gets it - a friend, your mum, an online mum group, a postpartum support space.
Connection is medicine.
4. Start shaping day vs night
Even in the chaos, you can gently guide your baby’s body clock. Keep things bright and noisy during the day. Keep it dim and calm at night. It won’t fix sleep overnight, but it builds a strong, healthy foundation.
5. Anchor your day with one thing for you
A hot coffee. A shower with the fancy shampoo. A 10-minute walk. Tiny rituals remind you that you matter, not just as a mum, but as a human being.
6. Don’t wait until you’re falling apart to ask for help
If you’re tearful every day, wired at bedtime, dreading the nights, or feeling like you’ve lost yourself completely, please speak to someone. Your GP, your health visitor, a perinatal support service. Asking for help isn’t a weakness. It’s a superpower. You deserve support just as much as your baby does.
You are not meant to do this alone
If I could sit beside you in the thick of those blurry newborn weeks and whisper just one thing, it would be this:
“You’re doing enough. It’s not meant to be perfect. It’s not meant to be easy. But you are not failing, even when it feels like it.”
The newborn phase is a whirlwind of love, exhaustion, and What the hell am I doing? But it does pass.
And in the meantime, you are allowed to rest. You are allowed to ask for help. And you are allowed to not love every minute of it, because you’re human, and this is hard.
If you’re wondering if what you’re experiencing is normal, it probably is. And if you need someone who understands, I’m here.
about the author
CONTRIBUTING WRITER
Sarah is a mum, certified paediatric sleep coach, and founder of My Little Sleepers Club.
With over 20 years’ experience as a physiotherapist, and a heart for helping families thrive, she supports tired parents with practical, judgement-free baby sleep advice that works in real life, not just in theory. Whether you’re navigating newborn chaos or toddler sleep regressions, Sarah’s mission is to make sure you feel supported, seen, and far less alone.
sarah
YOUR NEXT MUST-READ:
-
![Woman sitting on a couch enjoying sunlight with a cup of coffee near a window.]()
why self-care isn’t about doing more: it’s about doing what matters
WELLBEING
-
![Person holding a large monstera leaf covering their face, wearing large square earrings and an off-shoulder top, against a beige background.]()
share your voice; become a tonic contributor
COMMUNITY
-
![Person lying on a blue sofa with legs raised, wearing striped clothing and pink shoes, next to potted plant.]()
why you can’t have it all — & that's not a bad thing
RELATIONSHIPS
